Girls, caught up

I have an addictive personality. So when I started watching “Girls,” I knew I was fucked.

Yes, I did watch the entire series in a week and a half, and yes, I did eat a shit ton of dulce de leche while doing it. For reasons unknown, I had been resistant to watching the show since it came out. Maybe I wasn’t in the right place in my life. Or maybe I just didn’t have HBO or the will power to binge watch the show through other means. Maybe I was just being a difficult little brat. I’ll never know.

Anyway, I figured I didn’t have anything to lose. I suppose it was rather peculiar watching the show from the beginning as it’s currently airing its final season.

I’m not sure I can sit here and say it’s a life-changing show and that I feel utterly inspired to have heart and pursue my writing career while making a bunch of messy, shitty, and stupid mistakes. There were plenty of moments where I could empathize with Hanna, as she sat alone in her apartment, or with Jessa, each time she fell back into whatever binge. There were also moments were I fucking hated every one of them for being incredibly cunty in their own way. (As much of an idiot Adam is, he just may be my favorite, for the record.) I guess that’s the point of a good show — you become invested.

Apart from being an incredibly impatient human, knowing the series will soon come to an end left me with some anxiety. You know — when you’re in a relationship and you know the end is coming, but it’s not quite there yet. But you just know. Or when you say goodbye to someone and promise you’ll keep in touch, but you know you won’t. I hate when things end. Ending things blows so fucking hard. It’s not even about the TV show ending. Because the show is meant for you to internalize your own shit, and consider your own life. Who you’re fucking, or who you’re not fucking. Which friend you’re talking to, or not talking to. Whatever it is, you become weirdly selfish and project your own shit into the show. Or fuck, maybe that’s just me.

The point is, TV shows — good ones — are supposed to make you feel that way. You become invested. Not in the show, but for your own selfish reasons. And perhaps that’s why the finality of some series can leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. Because the show is over. It’s not real. It never was. But you are, and you’re still stuck there on the couch wondering whether you made the right call in whatever scenario you’re thinking about. At the end of the show, the characters cease to exist — how freeing that must be.

So, I wonder what Lena Dunham has planned for the finale of the series. I’m betting she’s already figured it out and knows exactly what happens. So what should happen? And what do we want to see happen? Do we want Hanna and Adam to end up together? Do we want Marnie to really, really become selfless and help Desi? Do we even want Jessa and Adam to be together? Do we really want Hanna to have this baby?

The romantic in me obviously wants Hanna and Adam to be together and raise the kid. The subtle hints are certainly there. Adam’s deep commitment to looking after Sample, his pet name for Hanna, their soul-crushing talk in the hospital. I’m sorry, but there really isn’t anything more powerful than unrequited love, and if you disagree, go fuck yourself. Hanna and Adam’s relationship, and the potential for them to reconnect, forces you to apply that same sense of possibility into your own life. Sometimes, things don’t work out.

So you wonder, what if? And I can’t help but wonder if Hanna and Adam could actually work — and I know Dunham is fucking with my emotions. But I know the chances of that reality are rather slim. It’s too predictable, it’s too easy. It gives you a mental break and a sense of security, and I don’t think that’s what this show is about. I’m not sure I could call “Girls” a romance show. Sure, that’s disheartening. Because you want it to work. But maybe you won’t ever see that person again. Maybe you won’t get your work published. Maybe you won’t get over your obscene addiction to kombucha and Pringles. Maybe you won’t find the answers you’re looking for. Sometimes, audacity does not always favor the bold.

But what if it does?

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